As we all know by now, last night the much anticipated trailer for Star Wars Episode 8 dropped, and the world collectively jizzed in their pants just like they do every year for these Star Wars trailers. I probably would have too, but my load was already long gone thanks to just having finished my 26th viewing of Jack Black’s acclaimed classic Nacho Libre.
Many questions have surfaced regarding the trailer: Will Rey fall to the dark side and join Kylo? Will Kylo be the one to murder the likely ill fated Princess Leia? But no question is more pressing than this: What is that weird silver crap on Kylo Ren’s chin? We give the 5 most likely possibilities.
1. Bantha Poo-Doo: Referenced by everybody’s favorite Dug, Sebulba, fans have long wondered what the mysterious substance used to describe Little Ani in The Phantom Menace may look like. Could Banta Poo-Doo actually be the shit on Kylo’s face?
2. Yoda’s Gross Soup: We all know Yoda was brewing up some Ithorian swamp shit during his time on Dagobah. Could Kylo have eaten some of this substance trying to channel the spirit of the old Jedi Master?
3. General Hux’s Pubic Hair: The carpets don’t necessarily have to match the drapes, people.
4. Anakin Skywalker: Could it be that the shit on Kylo Ren’s face is actually the reincarnation of his Grandfather, the legendary Darth Vader? Internet forums have rampantly speculated that Rey is actually the reincarnation of “The Chosen One”, but perhaps the spirit of Anakin actually lives in the shit on the face of the young Ben Solo.
5. Bor Gullet: Using this fifth spot to say this is the stupidest thing that’s ever been in a Star Wars movie, and this is a universe that contains Boss Nass.